Monday, March 13, 2006

Excerpt

This is an excerpt from a piece called "Just Say No To Rugs" by Dave Barry, Pulitzer winning humor columnist. He wrote for the Miami Herald till recently (and is now on sabbatical), and has published several books. In my book, he's one of the funniest people in the world.

With all due attribution, I can't help but post this excerpt. It had me in splits for a full ten minutes after I read it. Because I can see myself (and several others I know) doing exactly the same thing, in all seriousness.


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Mousse was a Labrador Retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bullet-proof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the kind of dog that, if it takes an interest in your personal regions (which of course it does) you cannot fend it off with a blowtorch.

So anyway, Mike and Sandy had two visitors who wore expensive, brand-new down-filled parkas, which somehow got left for several hours in a closed room with Mousse. When the door was finally opened, the visibility in the room had been drastically reduced by a raging down storm, at the center of which was a large quivering down clot, looking like a huge mutant duckling, except that it had Mousse's radiantly happy eyes.

For several moments Mike and Sandy and their guests stared at this apparition, then Mike, a big, strong, highly authoritative guy, strode angrily into the room and slammed the door. He was in there for several minutes, then emerged, looking very serious. The down clot stood behind him, wagging its tail cheerfully.

"I talked to Mousse," Mike said, "and he says he didn't do it."

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I haven't found this piece of his online, but you can find other stuff he's written (if you don't already know) here.

7 comments:

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

I think I've mentioned this earlier in a comment somewhere -
My father had this totally adorable Lab. Big, handsome, goofy-grinning blighter. My father's defining comment about him was "Kukur bhalo, jaanish toh, tobey boddo mitthey kotha boley". (He's a good dog, just tells too many lies)

J.A.P.

(Has anybody told you you now have a 159-letter word verification?!)

progga said...

Saar, word verification removed for your convenience. Until I start getting spam again, that is.

Loved the story!

On a personal note, one of our Labs, Baloo, spent an entire afternoon tearing up the cushions in the drawing room, so that when we entered the room a couple of hours later, there were swirls of foam flying everywhere, and Baloo (still a puppy then) sitting victoriously in the middle on top of a coffe table. When something looks that funny, you can't possibly scold the dog - it's all you can do to stop laughing!

Ph said...

If he says he didn't do it, he didn't do it. And whats this business about the Lab telling too many lies. Hah. Must have been those cats from across the street.

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

I totally agree with you. Dave Barry is one of the funniest guys ever!

yesbob said...

post !! post !! we wants more !!

Ph said...

All ok?

progga said...

Ph, I'm touched. :) All fine, I guess. Dry patch. Crawling into a hole for a few million years would help.